Chastity is for Married Couples Too

During many talks that I attended about chastity, it seemed to be portrayed as a virtue only necessary until marriage. Some of these talks were more based in purity culture than true Catholic theology. They emphasized abstaining from sex until marriage (which is good!) but failed to address what comes next for those who get married. But chastity is a virtue that everyone is called to grow in.

Let’s begin with the definition of chastity to make sure we’re all on the same page. “Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being” (Catechism of the Catholic Church 2337). There is a lot to unpack with this virtue. We won’t tackle it all in this blog post as I am not a theologian, but let's explore it a little bit. I want to highlight another quote from the Catechism which explains an important part of chastity that we discuss as part of the Creighton Model. “Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy” (Catechism 2339). I just love this quote. We can’t just let our emotions and desires run the show. We have to use the reason that God gave us to love others well. Freedom is a requirement for love. This freedom is not license, doing whatever we want. It is the ability to choose the good. This is one of the gifts of Natural Family Planning. Couples who are avoiding pregnancy must grow in self-mastery and discipline to avoid intercourse during fertile times when they are naturally drawn together.

So how do I know that married people are called to chastity? Well, the Catechism has got my back on this one, too. “All the baptized are called to chastity” (Catechism 2348). Of course, growth in chastity looks different for people in different stages in life, but we are all called to be chaste.

How do we practically grow in chastity? The Catechism has a nice list for us! “Whoever wants to remain faithful to his baptismal promises and resist temptations will want to adopt the means for doing so: self knowledge, practice of an ascesis adapted to the situations that confront him, obedience to God’s commandments, exercise of the moral virtues, and fidelity to prayer” (Catechism 2340). We also must remember that virtues are “also a gift from God, a grace, a fruit of spiritual effort” (Catechism 2345). It is not all up to us and our own efforts! We must be faithful to spiritual practices such as prayer and self-denial to cooperate with God’s grace, but God gives us the grace to become virtuous.