Lean into the Pain

I really am not a fan of pain. Like not at all. I like to think I have a decent pain tolerance, but I still despise it all together. I think that’s why when pain comes along in any aspect of life- physical, mental, emotional, spiritual- I prefer to try to ignore it (horrible nursing advice!) or even fight it. After years of walking around in this broken world, I tell myself these gray hairs must come with some sort of insight or wisdom…or at least an idea closer to the Truth than what I started with. With enough experiences from pain in different areas of life over the years, it finally dawned on me not to ignore or fight the pain but to try something entirely radical and different: lean into the pain.

     I wish I could say this thought came along in an epic and profound way. It totally did not. I was at Sunday Mass and was kneeling during the Liturgy of the Eucharist (an epic and profound moment in it of itself) but after 45 minutes of “pew cuddling”- ie, silent wrestling  my toddler- I was feeling impatient, sweaty, and spent, hanging on by a thread of His garment to make it to Communion. It was at that point that my stocky toddler decided my exposed calves looked like the perfect place to tap dance.  And boy, did she let loose. Normally I would instinctively resist the acute discomfort by tensing up my leg muscles in an effort to reduce the pain. This time, however, I was so fed up that I decided to just leave my legs noodle-limp in an attempt at total surrender, showing the white flag, letting my toddler know she had won the battle.

     No one was more surprised than me when I realized that fighting, anticipating, and resisting the pain just created more pain than when I just let it happen. Not fighting against it, but sitting with it. In fact, what would have been a tap dance of agony almost felt massage-like when I let my legs relax enough. And while this is just one weird example of coping with physical pain, I started to wonder if this is a principle that could apply to other areas of my life as well. And since this is a blog on a Creighton website, I decided to see how I could apply leaning into the pain instead of fighting against it with Creighton as well.

     Let’s start with the beginning, with learning the Creighton Model itself. It is always recommended to couples during the Creighton Model Introductory Session to avoid genital contact for the first cycle of charting to make it easier for the woman to get used to making cervical mucus observations. To what does that translate to? No sex for a month, a situation I think most married couples would agree is not ideal- painful even. So is a couple just supposed to white-knuckle through the month to get through it? Applying this new theory of leaning into the pain, no! A couple can remind each other of why they are learning Creighton in the first place: to strengthen their marriage; to identify areas of concern for their fertility; or even for better mental health for the woman. There is no doubt about it that it will be challenging, but by leaning into the discomfort of the moment, remembering their “whys” and the fact that their spouse is dealing with the same thing, the month can be one that strengthens a marriage and makes life all the more sweeter when the month is up.

     And how about couples working through infertility? How are they to lean into the pain of their current situation? Instead of feeling angry and frustrated by what they see or do not see in their charting, I find it is helpful to remember that every day of observations is valuable, irreplaceable data to help identify areas of concern that a NaPro physician uses to create a very specific treatment plan for that couple. While it may not be comfortable to have to deal with, embracing the difficulty of the situation of infertility through charting frees a client to really feel empowered about their body instead of seeing it as “broken” or “deficient”.  

     Other areas where leaning into the pain instead of fighting it might be with painful menstrual cycles that a client “has just always dealt with”, being told that this is “normal” for years. If you fall into this category, don’t ignore the pain! Sign up to begin working with a FertilityCare Practitioner to identify these patterns of pain so that you can find actual answers and relief with the assistance of NaPro Technology.

     There is no doubt about it that pain is literally one of the worst effects of living in a broken world. While pain can be very real, it seems like leaning into the pain instead of fighting it can produce more relief. As you journey through Holy Week this week, take time to seek some silence to discern where you may be fighting and ignoring pain. If it has anything to do with your married life, cycles, or fertility, reach out to one of our FertilityCare Practitioners to begin working towards relief from the pain.