What You Learn When You Let Go of Control in the Midst of PCOS

When you start tracking your cycle and observing your fertility from day to day, you learn a lot. Whether you’re trying to conceive, postpone a pregnancy, or simply better understand your body, the desire for “control” can take over. And not in a quiet, subtle way—but in a loud, persistent, sometimes obsessive way. At least that was my experience.

For me, no matter the season of life, I craved control over my cycle and my fertility. I thought if I could just pinpoint every fertile window, every hormone surge, every odd symptom—then everything would fall into place. The hard part is… so much of this journey is out of our hands.

I’m no longer in a season of trying to conceive. (If you haven’t read about our fertility journey, I shared more in a previous post.) We feel at peace with our family size, and for now, we’re not seeking to achieve pregnancy. A big part of me assumed that this new phase of life—where I wasn’t anxiously hoping for a positive test—would feel easier. I thought tracking would become less stressful and more straightforward. I believed I would finally feel “in control.”

But that’s not what happened.

Last summer, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance. I say “finally” because my body had been giving me signs for years. Cycles that never followed a pattern, unexpected bleeding, confusing symptoms—I always knew something wasn’t right. And while receiving a diagnosis brought a strange sense of relief (finally, a name for what I’d been experiencing!), it also marked the beginning of a new chapter of confusion and trial and error.

To say I’ve tried everything to create a more “peaceful” cycle would be an understatement. Our medicine cabinet is overflowing with supplements. I’ve experimented with several different diets, countless workout routines, and every article or tip that even remotely hinted at helping with PCOS symptoms. I was on a mission to “fix” myself. I wanted the solution—the thing I could do or take that would make my cycles make sense again. And deep down, I thought that if I could just control all the pieces, I could force my body to cooperate.

But the reality is: I can only control so much.

What I’ve come to learn about PCOS is that no two women experience it the same. What works for one person may do absolutely nothing for someone else. And while that’s frustrating—it’s also freeing, in a strange way. Because once I stopped expecting a magic formula, I was able to shift my perspective.

Letting go of control didn’t mean I gave up. It didn’t mean I stopped charting or caring or seeking healing. What it meant was that I gave myself permission to stop striving—to stop chasing perfection. I began to see my chart not as a report card to be graded, but as a conversation my body was having with me.

This shift taught me a lot.

I learned that healing takes time. That just because I don’t see progress today, doesn’t mean progress isn’t happening beneath the surface.

I learned to be kinder to myself on the hard days—when the symptoms flare up, when the cycle doesn’t make sense, when I feel discouraged.

I learned to stop placing all my hope in the next supplement, or the next trendy food, or even in getting “perfect” charting observations.

I learned that asking for help—whether from a medical consultant, a spiritual director, or a support group—is not weakness. It’s wisdom.

And most importantly, I learned that surrender doesn’t mean I’ve lost—it means I’m allowing something bigger than myself to guide me.

Tracking cycles with PCOS will never be “easy.” But it doesn’t have to be a battleground, either. There’s a gentle strength that comes with surrender. There’s peace in knowing that while I can’t control everything, I can listen to my body, advocate for myself, and walk this road with grace.

If you’re navigating PCOS and feel like you’re drowning in information, supplements, or stress—take a deep breath. You’re not alone. And sometimes, the greatest breakthrough happens not when you try harder… but when you let go.